Rethinking manhood with author Destyn Land

“I saw how masculine egos started wars both around the world and in the community. I saw how patriarchal masculinity worked to move our world further away from love.”
Local author and podcaster Destyn Land shared those observations in the introduction of his book, “The Rules We Live By: Stories and Reflections on Unlearning Patriarchal Masculinity.”
While the subject is indeed scholarly, Land leads his readers into self-reflection and inquiry through an inspiring mixture of storytelling, introspection, humor, faith, and optimism. Land shares his personal experiences growing up in St. Paul, and broadens the scope to examine cultural norms regarding anger, accountability, trauma, friendship and family.
Land wrote “The Rules We Live By” during the first five months of 2024. His ambitious project was made possible through a fellowship he earned with Princeton Theological Seminary. The funding Land received allowed him to self-publish and hire freelance editor Kimberly Lim, who provided influential feedback to strengthen the final product, which is available at Barnes & Noble and on Amazon.
At 27 years old, working full-time as a senior health equity educator for Hennepin Healthcare, while preparing for his wedding last June, Land claimed, “The writing process was fun! It was a hectic time – wedding planning was a hot mess, work was new and challenging, and the book was like the most peaceful part of life.”
For Land, the book gave him a space to organize the anecdotes and write the academic findings of his research, which were first expressed in his successful podcast called “Rethinking Manhood.”
Initially, the podcast was an outlet for Land to creatively utilize a variety of his skills. He dove into themes of patriarchy and masculinity which he had explored and developed through undergraduate and graduate coursework. He shared stories and experiences, composed original music for each episode, and spent countless hours editing.
Land created his own website (destynland.com) and Instagram account (@rethinkingmanhood) to distribute the podcast. Within a couple of months in 2022, he had thousands of followers, and the podcast had listeners in over 60 countries.
While interest and praise for his content were higher than imagined, Land explained that its impact is complicated. The audience he reached was unexpected.
“I expected to reach mostly Black men since I focus so much on my Black identity, but White men started coming out of the woodwork and loving the content. I thought it would stay local and primarily resonate with men, but people of all genders, races, and locations connected with the subject. In my heart, I really want to have these conversations with youth.”
Land grew up in St. Paul’s Rondo community where his family has been a fixture for generations. He graduated from Como Park High School and went on to earn his B.A. in English from Augsburg University.
With social justice omnipresent in his Augsburg studies, a paper he wrote for a class taught by Dr. Jeremy Myers ignited Land’s spark for serving youth. He pursued a master of education at the University of Minnesota with a focus on youth development leadership.
As a Black male with a lifetime of experience in St. Paul and Minneapolis neighborhoods, schools, and churches, Land navigated places and spaces where he observed consistent patterns of patriarchal masculinity. He struggled with this societal norm, recognizing that expectations prevented him from being whole.
It’s the consistent theme found throughout his podcasts and book. And it’s his goal to have future generations grow up in a world where patriarchy doesn’t dictate how men express themselves and interact with others.
Land lays out complex terminology in the book’s introduction, stating, “Patriarchy is the social system that places men above women. Masculinity and femininity are the socially constructed characteristics, behaviors, and roles that dictate how men and women should be.”
One might think the book is exclusively scholarly analysis based on its subject. But the journey of reading “The Rules We Live By” is emotionally uplifting with its infusion of personal storytelling, keen observations of how men act and behave, and how reflection might lead each person on an improved path toward healthier relationships.
The author provides ample opportunity to “pause-and-reflect” by interweaving questions in each of the book’s 10 chapters. Another unique feature is concluding each chapter with a devotional.
While Land reassures readers that “this is not a Christian book and should not be approached as such,” he felt that excluding his Christian faith would limit his authentic self.
There is value for the reader in every element of the 180 pages. Land tells stories with humility and remarkable vulnerability. Yet he simultaneously adds a sense of humor alongside wisdom that makes a reader smile and laugh at oneself for living out relationships in a typically patriarchal way.
Examples include references to “bro code” displays of stoicism, silence, and utterances of “it’s all good” masking as closure to conflicts that were never processed or resolved. No relationships are left unturned, including family, marriage, and fatherhood.
Land and his wife Netta were married last June, days after the book’s completion. They are anticipating the birth of their first child in the spring. The 2025 season of “Rethinking Manhood” podcasts will likely have plenty of parenting conversations.
As for another book? “I could see that down the road. But I think I have a lot more living and learning to do first.”